I only had the 5 or 10 minutes of a witness’s evidence-in-chief; and in that time I had to plan the destruction, and of course the cross-examination of that witness, which was vital to success.
The difference from 18 years before was that I had read the Rommel Papers, edited by Liddell Hart; and in particular about the way at Gazala in June 1942, Rommel with his back to a minefield was nevertheless able to break out, and defeat superior forces. Of course my case bore no resemblance to the desert battle; it was the inspiration of Rommel’s actions that prompted me to think that on an utterly different kind of battlefield, I might be able to do something similar. And so it proved. Inspiration is vital; and I have always found that it was provided by other people. So I come to the heart of the matter. My attempt to invoke the Divine creativeness to try to reconcile symbolically England and Germany after the War, was, of course, inspired by the handful of people immediately involved. Their civilized cosmopolitan outlook, knowledge of Germany, their practical down-to-earth worldliness, was coupled with my idealism. You act in the circumstances in which you find yourself; we are all creatures of the world in which we grow up. And audacity must always be controlled and curbed by reflection, in anyone who seeks to behave responsibly.
I have a limited sympathy for those who claim that Jesus is King, and seek to extend his kingdom by distributing pamphlets. But to my mind, a better way to extend his kingdom is to introduce into the acceptable spectrum of human behaviour something that depends entirely on his Ministry, Passion, and Resurrection for its inspiration. I could never conceivably have attempted what I did in the atmosphere of the Old Testament. People just did not behave like that in those days. It only became possible to contemplate it, after his passion. Expressing it differently; whether prayer is speaking to the Divine Spirit, or talking into the blankets, any friendship which envisages the sharing of prayer is so intimate, that unless it is curbed by a most reflective and disciplined spirit, it risks the destruction of human character. Yet unless someone has the audacity to take these risks, you end up with the situation of the C.of E. today; and that is terminal decline. There comes a time when the inner necessity of the situation compels you to take the risk, even if it appears fearsome. If on reflection it appears that doing nothing will only lead to the terminal decline of the Church, then the boldest course of action may be the prudent one to take.
Much of this is reflection after the event; but that is always the way. Too great a self-consciousness of what you are doing, and your effectiveness is destroyed. Yet I was always aware of the transcendent relationship, as well as the personal one; and I doubt if she was. And I was always aware that compromise in this instant would be disastrous; although I would normally favour it.