disliked. So when I talk about two people's hearts being one, I mean exactly what I say in the usual metaphorical sense in which that phrase is understood. I do not for one moment suggest that the consequences are necessarily good or evil, happy or unhappy. That presumably depends on the parties themselves.
It is this oneness of heart which compels a man to face the divergence, and even conflict between his outward life in the community, and his inward life at home. And having faced it, to try to reconcile the two. If two people marry whose hearts are not one, then there may be a good deal less divergence and conflict between their outward lives and their life at home, than there would otherwise have been. They may feel their lives lack content, they may feel a vague emptiness, but they are likely to avoid a good deal of the divergence. Elizabeth Bowen in the Death of the Heart describes a couple locked in their conventional roles, so that they completely fail to understand how the heart beats in a young girl. This describes exactly what I mean.
The inner and outward life must be kept alive. The inner life presumably by sexual allure, the companionship of joint interests and joint hobbies, and the love which finds contentment by its own fireside. But the outward life must be kept alive too. If a man hates his job, and does not believe he contributes anything to the community, it must be rare that this does not affect his married life as well. The two react upon each other. And correspondingly it takes a man of iron self-discipline to do his work even competently when his dreams of happiness collapse. Assuming however that all is well at home, it is easy to keep the outward life alive; the community does most of it for you. That is what the community is for - amongst other things. It is not possible to put into practice much higher standards than those around you. A little higher, yes; much higher, no. It may be possible for the lawyer, for instance, to invent new ways of cross-examining to destroy the credit of dishonest witnesses, in an…