Abbess; and during that time he never wrote. “Not even then, when long grief had worn me down, did you come and see me or even send me a line of comfort”, she later complained. But thereafter he saw her regularly, until malicious gossip prevented it. Later still they began to write; but only when Heloise by chance saw his letter to a friend, which speaks of his own sufferings, but hardly mentioned her. He saw her for the last time in about 1139, and died in 1142.
Heloise's letters are the finer and the more human; and she makes it plain that everything she has done she did for Abelard, not for God. She does not regret one bit of their love for one another, and would willingly have relived it all; but she reminds him of the bond of matrimony, and asks him to reassure her that it was his love, not his lust, that brought them together.
Abelard's letters are more theological in content, and so are more artificial. He seems to be saying what he thinks his duty to God demands that he says; and his coldness verges on cruelty. He regrets their debauch; but she was after all his wife, and it was his duty to make amends after leading her into such calamity. He asked her ever to remember him who is in a particular manner yours; he recommended her to God, and gave sensible advice about running the Community of the Paraclete. He made an effort to make amends; but not even one of the great intellects in the Middle Ages can do much about it, when he has cheated to start with.
Actually the theoretical solution is surprisingly simple. The goal is to overcome evil, and eliminate sin, not only in its grosser aspect of betrayal but also in its more subtle aspect, of mutual manipulation or the taking advantage of the one by the other. One would hope that this would go hand in hand with perfect courtesy and mutual respect; it might not lead to perfect understanding, but it should lead to each being able to read the thoughts of the other. It is…