inconceivable that this should occur between two people who were separate; only if the two dwelt in each other. How can two people dwell in each other? Well, as Kathryn says in Wuthering Heights, “I am Heathcliffe”; and no-one says that she is raving mad or talking nonsense. Yet if a man and a woman were to attempt to achieve this degree of oneness by themselves, the distinct possibility is that evil would overwhelm them; and they would end in disaster if not catastrophe, as Kathryn and Heathcliffe did in the novel. How does one person surrender to another without complete trust; how can there be complete trust until each has already surrendered to each other? The theoretical solution is to ask God to help you to surrender to a person, who is not completely trustworthy, in order that complete trust may grow.
However theoretical solutions are almost meaningless, unless one also considers some of the practical difficulties involved. Two people may be able to live together without any great degree of surrender of the personality of each to the other; but not three. As the goal is harmony between three people, from the man's point of view it means he must be willing to surrender himself to both the others. Indeed the Christian life is supposed to be one of unconditional loyalty, which does not bargain; like the soldier's duty of obedience to the Crown. How can he surrender to God, but avoid surrendering to his wife, without adopting double standards? Yet if he surrenders to her, there must be complete trust. Incomplete trust is not enough. The whole of one's instinct for survival revolts at the idea of surrendering oneself to a person, whom one does not trust. The first rule for the man therefore, if he takes the initiative, is never to do anything deliberately which will tend to destroy mutual trust. No lies, no hypocrisy, no flattery, no seduction (literal or metaphorical) are allowed. In everyday behaviour, all this may be excused if one apologises. But here, deliberately to do any of these things will ruin the whole enterprise. This was…