say, ”Either you feel you love somebody, or you don't. Full stop. No more explanation needed“. But as everyone, except a young girl, knows feelings are most deceptive. One may feel no love for a woman, but one knows that one does love her, and one knows the nightmare of desolation which would follow her (probably quite untruthful) announcement, “I no longer love you”. How often in divorce cases does one come across men who have not learned this elementary lesson, namely that they are far more dependent on the love of their spouse than they ever cared to admit. And the result of this self-induced ignorance is that a week after they have turned her out, they are on their knees imploring her to come back. It is much better to face facts, before getting on one's high horse.
It seems to me, therefore, that for present purposes it is best to clear the mind, so far as one can, of all preconceived ideas of what love is, or ought to be, and try to see how it manifests itself in human behaviour.
When one is in love, for a brief moment in one's existence one is unselfish. One really is. It is as miraculous as it feels. One thinks of the other, and one's behaviour is the antithesis of the calculating behaviour of the relationship described in Chapter 10. Indeed it is love which raises people out of, or prevents them falling into, such cynical calculation. Love may be an illusion, but for a time at any rate it is an illusion which affects one's behaviour quite dramatically.
Is it an illusion? Well it may be an illusion to trust the people you love. Sometimes they are trustworthy, but at other times they are just as treacherous as other people. It is probably an illusion to think that love bestows some magical quality of trustworthiness. It is people who are sometimes trustworthy; and if they are, they will probably be trustworthy whether you love them or not. Loving someone does not change that person into a person basically different…