other; they say they respect and trust each other. But this is a far cry from the righteousness that will not do wrong, even if it offends the beloved, and is repaid with loathing. This respect and trust exists only upon condition that one agrees to do evil, if the other insists! This is why the Church has thundered against the iniquities of the flesh all through the centuries. There is in fact nothing at all wrong with the flesh; but if lovers respect each others' flesh without catching sight of the embryonic personality, which has not yet flowered, then they are liable to slither into lust, rather than give offence. Whereas there is no righteousness except in the willingness to struggle all night with God (if he exists), as Jacob did, if he ever seems to be suggesting that you do wrong.
In practice lovers are polite to one another; nothing wrong in that. They even flatter each other a little; not much wrong in that. They are attracted to each other, they feel so alive in each other's company that the danger is they start to give each other's nasty little egotisms the self-satisfied feeling that they are expressing themselves. What compelling reason is there then for resisting allurement? Their grandmother told them to resist, but what does she matter? The overshadowing of their own mutual weaknesses urges them on, and persuades them that theirs is a passion it is hopeless to resist, that theirs is an immortal love; anything except the truth. A woman who has been seduced may say, as countless lovers have said, “I love him more than all the world. I have never felt so much myself”. Everyone else though knows that she has just been a silly fool. The duty to love was seen as permission to be irresponsible. The most responsible of all affections was seen as the plaything of mutual egotisms. And there is nothing one can do about it.
This is a partial explanation of why the path of true love is said not to be smooth, and why conventional affection is regarded as leading to greater happiness. Conventional standards, though artificial, do help the couple to…